Yeah, What If...

Was reading marathon runner's entry today, about ifs and yeah, i was wondering too, what if:
1. I could star in a musical.....

It would definitely be Les Miserables, my all time favourite. Victor Hugo's epic story about love, hunger, injustice, cruelty, engulfing sense of self righteousness, forgiveness, disillusionment.....
In fact, when they had that programme, Benson & Hedges Golden Dreams, I wrote in saying my dream was to appear is Les Miz.

They actually called me.
B&H Girl: Hallo, Mr Cheng?
Me : Yup
BH: I from Benson & Hedges Gollen Dreams ah. You wrote in to us right?
Me: OOOOOOH, you mean I've been selected?
BH: No no, this is only first round. Have to ask you some kweshen first.
Me: Ok, go ahead.
BH: What is this Less Miserablessssss, is it a cartoon?
(thinking to self, how does one star in a cartoon? as a voiceover?)
Me : Erm, no, its a famous musical.
BH: Oh, musical ah. Got singing lah? Where is it showing ah?
Me: All over the world. Coming to Singapore soon.
BH: You got passport ah?
Me : Yes
BH: So can fly anytime la?
ME: Yup.
BH: Are you fit?
Me : Huh? Fit? No, I'm the past tense of fit. Fat.
BH: Oh really ah. Its okaylah, this one just standard kweshen. So ah, congratulations.
Me: Yay, I've been selected?
BH : No leh, you have to come to Crystal Crown Howteh next Saturday for the next round of interview.

Anyway, ya, so I didnt get to fulfill my dream. But I would want the role of innkeeper's wife. Coz she gets to say naughty words.
"Everybody raise a glass, raise it up the master's arse".

I used to dream i'd meet a prince
But God Almighty ave you seen whats appened since?
Master of the house, isn't worth me spit
Comforter philosopher and lifelong shit
Cunning little brain, regular Voltaire
Thinks he's quite a lover, but there's not much there
What a cruel trick of nature
Landing me with such a louse
Everybody raise a glass
To the master of the house....

Alternatively, I wouldn't mind playing Tevye in Fiddler on The Roof, and sing, IF I WERE A RICH MAN. (my kid loves that song).

2. If I were a dog, ...I'd be a bitch.

3. If I were a cat....I'd kill myself. (all nine times)

4. If I were a tea blend .......... now WHY on earth WOULD i want to be a tea blend. I'd rather be a coffee.

5. If I were a cartoon character .......oh, definitely SHERMAN the shark, also called fatboy, from the wonderful strip, SHERMAN'S LAGOON. http://www.slagoon.com/

6. If I were a handphone ....... I'll be speechless.

7. If I were a desperate housewives character .......... I'd be Carlos. (so i get to do Gabrielle)

8. If I were a female desp hsewives character ........... I'd be urm...let me think about this one. (but its a toss up between edie and gabrielle)

9. If I didn't have to worry about income or money, and could do anything I want..... I'd ...aiyo, this is also another hard one.

10. If I really had things to write about on this blog .......... I might.