Fatboybakes' Fattening Favourites

Ever had people who've been quite prominent in your life in some way or another, only later on to lose touch, and worse still, have no idea where they are or what they're doing? I usually pride myself in keeping my friends, but still, some have fallen by the wayside of my address book, and I wonder whatever became of them. 1. I forget his name - it was in 1980; we were at the Royal Military College, going for our entrance interviews and tests. For some reason, I had to attend the session meant for the east coast states, ie, Pahang, Kelantan & Terengganu, which meant, there was no way that I would have known anyone, let alone speak the lingo. It was the three most lonely days of my then young life; no one was particularly friendly, except this one chap, who was in the bunk next to mine. He had a very kind demeanour, very caring, very gentle, and when I look back at that time, I regret not having made the effort to keep in touch. He didn't make it into RMC, as I did,...

I remember my Form 3 history teacher well, Puan Rahmah. She was an excellent teacher. Allergic to chalk, so she never wrote on the chalkboard. I was the devil in disguise, I think. Short, and condemned to sit in the front row, I would get thrown out of class for chatting, laughing too loudly, chewing gum... once, I even grated a stick of chalk in front of Puan Rahmah, knowing she was allergic. OMIGOODNESS, I am evil!!!! She was sick for a whole week. I can almost understand the lack of remorse Andrew Van De Camp of Desperate Housewives feels, after running down Mrs Solis. I was no better at that age. I don't recall feeling much remorse. It's amazing Puan Rahmah didn't report me to the headmistress. God bless you, wherever you are, Puan Rahmah. One of the things I recall MOST, in those history lessons, was the term JUS SOLI. Hands up anyone who remembers what that means, viz a viz the Malayan Union? Well, it means, Jus soli ( Latin for "right of the territory") is...

I am not referring to an awesome abdominal workout here, that'll give you a 6 pack. I am referring to an awesome weekend I had, the highlight of which was partaking of a FIFTEEN YEAR OLD cake. (this was on Saturday) Yup, FIFTEEN YEARS. It is a (western) tradition, I think, for a newly wed, (operational word being NEWLY) for save the top tier of their wedding cake (in our asian tradition, it would be quite hard, since 95% of wedding cakes are the standard dummy cakes from the hotel, recycled like 2 zillion times), for their first anniversary, or birth of first child.... and I think the proviso was for "whichever came first". Nevertheless, these dear dear friends of ours, decided to opt for the latter criteria, so there we were on saturday, 15 years later, celebrating the birth of their first child, a gorgeous baby girl, by partaking in the 15 year old wedding cake. It was a regular enough tea party, the kind I love, where alcohol is served; the usual happy banter amongst f...

I have to prepare 3 cakes over these few days, coz it's the wife's birthday. One for tonight, for our cell group crowd, (that was a chilled orange cheese cake), one for a tea party tomorrow, (durian poppy seed cake) and one for dinner tomorrow night, (a tiramisu gateaux). I thus had an inkling of what it would feel like were I doing this for a living. I have thus far found baking quite therapeutic, but I get really irritated when things are not where they should be. Like I spent a good 10 minutes looking for gelatine yesterday. In my mind, I am sure I had a whole pack of it lying somewhere. And, out of initiative (which makes it worse, coz you can't scold), the maid went and put all the various types of sugars into MINERAL WATER BOTTLES. Labelled Gula, Gula Halus, and Brow Sugar. Which takes ages to pour out. (wonder how long it took to pour INTO the bottles) Which REALLY irritated me even further. And those wretched measuring spoons. Anyway, all this accumulat...

Again, my body combat instructor today remarked how uncannily similar my supposed twin is with me, in terms of appearance. He said the similarity was 95%. NINETY FIVE PERCENT?!!!! Heck, even flesh and blood of mine doesnt come anywhere near. And the other evil twin, (refer earlier blog), I'd give a max of 50% if at all. So, 95% is quite alarming. i remember in the musical, BLOOD BROTHERS, they said that when twins are separated at birth, and they find out LATER that they are twins, one will surely die. Hmm, or is it both. Great musical, that one. He (combat instructor) suggested I go to leisure mall to check out this phenomena myself, but alas, I have no passport, for Fitness First. Now that I've managed to switch my 2nd Astro decoder to the "2nd decoder pay 50% offer", I have a monthly saving of about RM40, which theoretically I could use to upgrade my membership to passport. But is it worth paying RM40 per month, just to check out this phenomena? GASP, an...

I recently attended the wife's distant relatives funeral. It was an elegant affair; the casket lay in state, surrounded by a four poster canopy, draped with white satiny material (the canopy, not the casket), and there was a sense of calm and peace presiding over the whole event. The first thing that struck me when we arrived, and I don't mean to sound frivolous, were the "party packs". They constituted a fan, (those made from balsawood), and a white towel, wrapped around the fan. How practical, I thought, a fan to fan yourself, and a towel to wipe the sweat. Hmm, while I saw many using the fan, I didn't see anyone using the towel to wipe their sweat. It was interesting to see people shifting their seats to ensure they remain in the shadows, as to avoid the sun. While not really at THAT age when one thinks about such things, I have this elaborate plan oridi for when I go. It has to be an elegant affair too. None of that tok tok chiang stuff, needless to s...

Here's to you Calpurnia. Calpurnia is my "stage wife", in a time long forgotten, when I played the role of Augustus Caesar, and she Calpurnia, for an easter play. (which incidentally, was a disaster of epic proportions). Now, Calpurnia is an exceedingly attractive lass. Tall, talented, and enough energy to light up a whole village in a 3rd world country. Recently, Calpurnia and I were "reunited" and renewed our acquaintance, after a hiatus of about 5,6 years. And it appears, all these years, her impression of me was restricted to a grape eating, hedonistic, couch reclining potato of sorts. Therefore, she was quite surprised to stumble across the secret diaries of Caesar, ie, this blog, to discover that there was more to her "husband" than she previously thought. Not a great deal more, but more, nevertheless. Heck, after all these years, she doesn't even know what I did for a living. But actually, having said that, I can hardly blame her. I...

Main Entry: doppelganger Part of Speech: noun Definition: a ghostly double of a living person Etymology: German doppel `double' + ganger `goer' I have this evil twin, and though I can't really see the similarities, I guess the fact that the number of people who have commented that we look alike, or have mistaken us for each other, makes it undeniable that I have some cosmic link with Hewyk. (not his real name). Once, in Jusco, one of his consultants spent about 5 minutes talking to me, before realising I wasn't Hewyk. My dad has pointed to a photo of him, remarking that "I" looked really drunk. Hewyk turns a brilliant shade of crimson with one drink. His own mother-in-law thought he had put on 5kg overnight, when she mistook him for me. Oh, lest that pic be mistaken as a same sex wedding picture, ....there are actually two others in that pic, and I cropped it, just to show the subject matter. Anyway, we've had many such encounters, but what happened last ...

FLAT-ulence, that is. For some reason, yesterday, I was passing wind like bellows stoking a coal fire. And it was some of my A grade work too. Stank like a skunk. And I was chatting with M&M on yahoo, and I actually said I was farting like a billow, then realised it looked wrong. (the word, i mean, not the act). Bellow, billow. Not words that we oft use. I then avered that when I get to heaven, I'm going to request a printout of all my word usage, and see the statistics. It'll probably be something like this: OOOOOH - 23, 061,674 ORIDI - 22,099,088 YALOR - 22,099,081 HYRAX - 2 GUFFAW - 15,117, 904 CHORTLE - 100 Summat like that. The word chortle somehow evoked memories of BEANO comics, so i wondered what became of them, and did an internet search. Look what I found: Learn more about preventing intestinal gas with Beano and download a coupon. ... You can with Beano®. Beano helps prevent gas naturally before it starts ... and chili anytime, anywhere, safe in the ...

Actually, part of the culinary art is reading a recipe, and having a fair idea of whether it is worth trying or not, and having an inkling of what the finished product should taste like. And so far, I've had quite a good hit rate with experimental recipes. Anyway, on Saturday, after a lovely semi-romantic dinner in Zipangu, we (the wife and me lah) headed for Bonton for dessert. Do you know you can't really have a slice of cake in the hotel lounge at the Shang? (as in they don't serve cake in the lobby lounge, so you can't have your cake and eat it either while listening to the band). Desserts are a very iffy thing. You don't really want to waste calories (as in use up your calorie quota) by eating something that's not really orgasmic or to die for. And desserts are a calorie bomb, needless to say. So get a mediocre dessert, you're in this quandary; finish it and do another hour on the treadmill to work it off, OR just leave it, (and have pictures of starvin...

These days, when old friends call, there's a 50-50 chance that they've just embarked on some MLM program, and are trying to recruit you into their schemes. It was almost a relief, therefore, to hear from MZMZ (emzee emzee) that he needed a favour, and it WASN'T to sit down with him for an hour to listen to a way to make money without taking up too much time. I love hearing from old friends. At once, you're transported back through time, to when life was so simple, so carefree, and we lived each day as it came. Almost like that ABBA song, OUR LAST SUMMER... walks along the seine, (in this case, the malacca river), laughing in the rain. HAHA, in fact, in this case, the words are even more apt. And now you’re working in a bank The family man, the football fan And your name is EMZEE How dull it seems Oh, okay, lest MRS EMZEE is getting worried, I'm just using the abba lyrics as an analogy, nothing to panic about. Those were good times. Hey EMZEE, although I kno...

Well, here's my little claim to fame. http://www.channelnewsasia.com/stories/southeastasia/view/163164/1/.html Actually, there is live video footage, which has prompted some old friends to crawl out of the woodwork and sms me; mostly those who haven't seen me in a while, and were commenting about the goatee. For the umpteenth time, I have to explain, that coz my face is so round, the goatee actually adds definition to the face, ie, it tells you where the chin is on the circle. Well, most of the remarks I got were rude and sarcky, ....just you wait guys, till one day, I'm famous. Let's see if I'll remember you THEN!!!!!

Where do I begin, to tell a story of how hazy life can be? A true haze story that has swept across the sea... Anyway, like many smart assed KL-ites, on thursday, I thought I had better make escape plans, I mean, short of a miracle, I couldn't possible see (no pun intended) how our air quality could improve over the next few days, so I scouted around the various options. Singapore was too expensive, though a kind cousin did offer to put me up for free. We managed to get hotel rooms in the Gurney, so first thing Friday morning, up north we trooped. My sis had fled the day before, and told us the weather there was fine. Along the NS Highway we sojourned, past Ipoh, Cangkat Jering, and there was still NOOOOO sign of clear skies. I call her again, (my sis) to find out if Penang WAS really clear. She said yes. Anyway, she was right, and by the time we got to the bridge, you could actually see the sky. Had a blissful massage on the beach, in front of Golden Sands, (we brought the kids to ...

(pic : Jalan Telawi 2. Can you see the Dome of the Mosque in the background??) Lest we forget. I now have a vague feeling what the von Trapp family must have felt like fleeing from the oppressive Nazis. The kun cheong-ness of finding the opportune time to make their escape. You see, I'm trying desperately trying to get accommodation in Penang, so that I can escape, with the whole brood, for a few days, since the Malay Mail reports the API in Penang to be only 39. Reminds me of that scene in Ms Saigon, where all the Vietnamese are trying to get onto that last helicopter out of Saigon. I'm not one to normally complain about my physical surroundings....as beneath this chubby facade, is a person who's known pain and hardship. BUT, since my loved ones are also subject to this oppressive smog, (haze is actually too mild a word, it gives an impression of vague mist caressing limestone outcrops, like in those gui lin paintings), I can't take this sitting down. Anyway, school i...

Here Mrs W. Au, the recipe as requested. Bacon & Mushroom Quiche Pastry Sifted 2 cups flour, 150 gm butter, (cold, chopped), 3-4 tablespoons icewater. Put flour and butter into food processor. Process until fine, like crumbs. With motor running, spoon in the ice water, until the dough becomes one cohesive clump. Take out the clump of dough, knead a little, wrap in cling film and refrigerate 30 mins. Filling : 10 strips bacon, (streaky if you like fat, or back bacon if you like lean), about 5-6 button mushrooms, sliced finely, some chives, or chong (spring onions) if you like, 4 eggs, 1 cup cream, one chopped onion. Fry the onion and bacon strips until fragrant, and onion is transparent. Place fried stuff in a bowl, add the beaten egg and cream, raw mushrooms, and chives, spring onions, whatever. Roll out refrigerated pastry, line a pie/flan tin, (9 inches), and by right, you should bake for 10 minutes with some rice or beans sitting in the pan (on a piece of baking paper). Thi...

Its amazing what you can see and hear in just 6 weeks, heartbeat and all. Last night, Tuesday night, we had a real pig out session, coz my mother was hosting dinner for my uncle, aunt and cousin who recently graduated. But the young people of today have it good. She's extending her student life to study Mandarin for a year, (there, I KNEW it wasn't necessary to send kids to chinese vernacular schools, you CAN pick it up later as an adult, if there's a will) before embarking on working life. I'm sure the haze is depressing us all. It's so deja vu, of the 1998 blanket that descended on us. I read that the lakes in Taiping are drying up. Taiping, the town where people bet on the time of rainfall. I used to work in Taiping. There is an invisible border, somewhere between the army camps and the prison, which demarcates which areas actually have rain. It could be raining cats and dogs at side A, but 100m down the road, dry as toast. I guess that's what our weather men...

Believe or not?!!! Well, my latest addiction is Scrabble with the computer; its pretty neat, because it evaluates the scores for you, checks if words exist, etc. And you can play against various skill levels...... when you play against a MASTER, woah, all sorts of weird words appear, and the two letter words, like nu, xi, qi, (my favourite), aa, ee, oo. So anyway, i had the letters to do the word BICEP, on a TRIPLE WORD SCORE..... so confidently plonking them tiles on, only to find out, TETTTTTT, no such word. HOWWWWW CANNNN THAT BE?!!!! anyway, of course i check the online dictionary, thinking my version of Scrabble was faulty. Afterall, it was purchased from Low Yat Plaza. there really is no such thing. the proper term is biceps, with an S. one biceps, many biceps oso. Which brings me to yesterday's body pump class. Bye bye Lisa, although you don't know me, you really made Monday's pump class a highlight, and i have truly enjoyed it. She even gave us chocolates to say goo...

Alright, maybe "hate" is a bit strong, but yeah, essentially, i hate soccer, or football, or bola, as its colloquially referred to here. (jom, main bola....more often than not refers to football, rather than say, tennis, or golf). Anyway, here's the scoop. Firstly, I am a genetic time bomb. My grandfather had a stroke, my grandmother was diabetic, my dad has/had high cholestrol & subsequently a heart attack (his cholestrol now is of a 16 year old, with the help of lipitor), my mother is shortsighted, (which she has rectified with lasik). Now, the other genes I COULD have inherited are : my grandfather was a talented musician; could play by ear, almost any instrument he picked up; my dad is an accomplished sportsman, played hockey for sandhurst, played ping pong for state, played tennis for university, received the sporting blues for hockey, and toured europe.... but what do i inherit? the high blood pressure, the high cholestrol, and the shortsightedness. To cut a lon...

What are some of the things in life that are sure and easy? Well, for me, its 1. Putting on weight 2. Losing money on the stock market 3. Sleeping at Night 4. Going poo poo in the morning 5. Falling asleep in church after a heavy night out 6. Of late, making shortcrust pastry, with my new food processor 7. Making half boiled eggs 8. The name of a pregnancy test kit. Anyway, last night I made a lemon meringue pie for dessert. It was good, if I may say so myself. Tangy lemon curd, on a shortcrust pastry base. It's hard to find good lemon meringue pie commercially because generally, the public I find don't take to sour things. So the LMPs are usually a bit on the sweet side. Nothing like the acidic kick of lemon to zest up the senses.

Yesterday, during Body Pump class, my favourite instructress announced we had two weeks to get a 6 pack, cos she was leaving for Hong Kong to teach there. I was thinking to myself, as I was doing those painful abdominals, WHO NEEDS A 6 PACK WHEN YOU HAVE A BARREL??? Abdominals, or sit ups, have changed drastically over the years. When I was a boy, sit ups used to be literally THAT!!! Sit up. We lie flat and try to sit up. Then over the years, it evolved, whereby our knees are propped up, (how to describe ah), but we still sit up. Years later, it turns out that both those method are disastrous for the back, (which explains my constant need for massage these days, of the lower back), and if you want to scrunch up your knees, and completely sit up, you've to do it on an incline. Anyway, my point being, exercises are always evolving. Should we risk doing it now, until they've perfected the art? Who knows WHAT further damage could result by doing the crunches of today. In ...

There was a recent brouhaha in the papers about the use of a certain kind of poppy seed in indian cooking; can't remember what it's called in malay now; just looked up poppy in my handy english malay dictionary, and it said candu.... which i thought was opium. oh well, translated, my cake would be kek durian biji candu. oh dear, might be arrested and hung for drug trafficking. That old cliche, about life giving you lemons, and making lemonade? Well, as it so happens, there seems to be a bumper crop of durians this year, so well, try this durian poppy seed cake. Actually, served warm, with cold fresh or durian cream, its rather good, if you like the taste of durian, that is. If I may say so myself, my food photography seems to be improving. Putting the camera on macro (denoted by a flower, on mine, as opposed to "mountains" which are far away) mode makes a big difference. Someone recently showed me a pregnancy test kit, which showed a positive reading. Positive ...